starlet129 (starlet129) wrote in the_booth,

it's all me now...

I'm still at a point in my life where it should not be wrecked and couple years ago I began cutting. I told my parents and got therapy, but I later tried to kill myself because I felt like my friends had left me behind and I couldn't handle my family problems. I lived, but I went to more intensive therapy. I was still alone on the inside, even when I was surrounded by people with the same problems I had, and even around friends. I was so scared to let people in...whenever I have done that in the past I have been let down. I have never really let anyone in.
Now I am doing much better than I used to, but I still live in hurt. I still think of stopping my life because it would be so easy to let go. I'm so tired and sometimes I just want to give up. I recently read one of my old suicide notes- I wrote multiple in the past- that said I didn't believe I'd live for the next two years. Here I am today, two years later, still here, but still hurt. Pain is everywhere and I am now closer to people than ever before but I still don't know what to do. I feel like I have to tell a very close friends about all of this but I am very afraid. I am scared to let anyone in, even though sometimes I want to. I don't know how to tell my friend. I have told other friends but this time I may just be letting someone in more than I have ever given out. Secrets should not be kept, sometimes, I think.
Sometimes I just want it to stop...
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