SerenaQ (serenaq) wrote in the_booth,

I think I am only staying with my boyfriend because I know it will about kill him if I leave. It's not that I don't love him, I do, I love him a lot. But I just got to college and I kind of want to have a little time where I dont' have to worry about hurting someone's feelings when I don't talk to them for a day, especially since they live four hours aways, and I don't have a phone to call out on, yeah I can use my roommate's, but can you hate me for hating having to ask her all the time to use the phone because my boyfriend doesn't have anything to do except talk to me on the phone. He doesn't want to hang out with his friends cuz they all say I'm cheating on him. I'm not, but I just don't want to be in a situation where I might want to because I know that would hurt him so bad. But I do want to have the freedom to not worry about hurting someone's feelings all the time, I just don't want to spend my time doing that right now, and I know how selfish that sounds, but that's what I really want, and it's all I spend my time thinking about, because I did try to break up with him
but he begged me, crying, on his knees to stay with him, so now we have an open relationship, but it still feels like it was the same thing, I didn't get any more freedom, now it seems like he's more desperate to keep in touch because he knows I'm having doubts.

In high school, I never dealt with any of the drama, I was the one giving advice, now I got a boyfriend and I need advice.
What is it that as soon as you are attracted to someone, nothing makes sense and everyone always gets at leasat a little fight because of the confusion?
I get along great with every other guy, but he jsut doesn't understand and I can't seem to make him accept it.
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